


losing you was scarier than losing myself

by peachesandplumsmotherfucker



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, Kisses, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, Mentions of Bus Incident, Mutual Pining, Underage Drinking, they go to a cabin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 21:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachesandplumsmotherfucker/pseuds/peachesandplumsmotherfucker
Summary: During a weekend cabin trip Cady planned for the group, Janis and Regina are isolated, and emotions are finally released.





	losing you was scarier than losing myself

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is my first mean girls fic 
> 
> leaving kudos and commenting means a lot to me

Janis started to freak, she was already iffy about a weekend trip including Regina but now she’s going to be stuck with her? God how much she wished she just bit the bullet and chose to ride up with Cady, Damian, Gretchen, and Karen in Damian’s stupid huge van. She also wished that Regina chose to ride with them so she wasn’t on her way right now. Janis almost considered just repacking and leaving, she could just pretend that she had car troubles too and had to stop somewhere till tomorrow. She honestly contemplated it for a while but decided against it because she’s lazy and she didn’t want to do that to Regina. It’s not like it’d be the worst thing she’d ever done but she’s been ready to make amends for a while now and Regina’s a new person so why hold resentment? Janis had decided to be civil, nice even, friends maybe. Janis tried to remember that but the second she heard Regina’s car pull up everything she thought about, the conversations she rehearsed in her head, went out the window. Regina opened the door holding some luggage, less than Janis expected, and wearing sweats.  
“Hi.” Regina kinda rushed the introduction, Janis could only assume because she was expecting Janis to be only an obstacle to start talking to her real friends.  
“Hi.” What else was Janis supposed to say? There was some awkward silence as Regina stepped into the cabin and Janis walked to close the door.  
“Where is everyone else?” Janis stopped at the door frame before closing it and turned to look at her.  
“Did you not hear, Damian’s car broke down so they won’t be here till 2pm tomorrow.” Regina widened her eyes and pursed her lips trying not to look upset.  
“So it’s…?”  
“Just us.” Janis finished her sentence and leaned against the door to close it, twisting an arm up to lock it. Both of them turned away not knowing what to say. Regina started carrying her stuff upstairs but struggled getting the two bags up the stairs. Janis walked over wordlessly and scooped the bigger bag out of her hand. Regina whispered a thank you and Janis walked ahead of her to her room. She set the luggage down and walked out of the room as fast as humanly possible without looking like a total weirdo. As she made her way to her room she looked out one of the giant glass windows, the sun was setting and the woods were so vast it was really right out of a Bob Ross painting. She kept walking and made it to her room where she considered staying the rest of the night to avoid all one on one time with Regina.  
Janis had spent a solid hour in her room avoiding Regina but it just became too boring. She also hadn’t eaten since lunch so she thought she’d make herself something to eat since she brought up all the food. Janis would never admit it but she was the mom friend of the group, she always packed food and medicine. She walked a foot out of the door when she spotted Regina, leaned up against the kitchen wall, exhaling at her phone, probably from the lack of service. She looked, sad. Janis couldn’t help but feel that it was her fault, she was so busy worrying about how she would get through the night, she didn’t even think about how Regina was stuck with her too. Janis just saw the disappointment and loneliness in her so she decided to walk down the stairs. She nonchalantly walked over to the kitchen wall, maybe 2 feet from where Regina was and leaned against it like Regina was doing. Regina set her phone on the counter beside her.  
“What are you doing?” Her words were lighthearted but Janis could imagine if this were last year they wouldn’t be so friendly.  
“Standing.” Janis continued to look forward, Regina noticed and did the same.  
“Why?” She chuckled as she said it, but can you blame her?  
“Because, you looked like you needed someone to stand by.” From Janis’s peripheral vision she could see Regina’s eyes deepen and she turned to Janis, breaking their unspoken rule.  
“Why are you talking to me?” Another sentence Janis could easily see Plastic Regina saying but this time it wasn’t cold it was, sad.  
“I’m standing, I don’t know about talking.” Janis tried to be cool but Regina just bowed her head like it wasn’t the answer she wanted. Janis inhaled in preparation for what she had been waiting to say for a while, to even admit to herself.  
“Because grudges are lame,” She turned her head slightly from the blond but could feel her gaze burning through the side of her face.  
“And because...I saw you get hit by a bus.” Her voice threatened to crack on the word bus and she tried her best to push it down. She could feel the emotion trying to claw its way out of her throat but she breathed and swallowed it down.  
“I didn’t know you saw that.” Regina’s voice was so comforting and soft. Janis just nodded.  
“And there was like two minutes that I thought you were dead.” Janis rushed her sentence as to not let her voice crack in the middle of it.  
“Technically I died for fifteen seconds.” Janis cracked a laugh because Regina has said this nonstop since it happened. If she wants something she’ll say ‘I died for fifteen seconds bitch’.  
“I know, it was just really scary.” She took a deep breath because admitting that she cared for Regina was a lot to do after years of hating each other. Janis still tried to keep her gaze straight but her head twitched to the side, daring to turn.  
“I think I’ve been through something pretty similar.” Janis let her head turn and she looked at Regina with a cautious look of disbelief.  
“You saw someone get hit by a bus?” Regina smiled small and sank into the wall.  
“No.” Janis furrowed her brow and now she was the one looking at the side of Regina’s face as she kept her eyes straight ahead.  
“But my ex best friend did try and kill herself.” Janis quickly looked at the floor as the memories all became too much. Regina was inhaling shaky breaths that sent fire to Janis’s cheeks.  
“And there were four days that I didn’t know where she went, and I called her over and over again.” Regina tried to steady her breathing and her voice was cracking on almost every word. Tears started to well in Janis’s eyes.  
“Finally I deducted...that she was dead. And it was all my fault.” The last sentence hit like a train the way she could hear the pain and tears in Regina’s voice.  
“The nights after that all I did was look through old pictures of us and cry because I thought that y-that she was gone, forever.” Tears actually started to fall out of Janis’s eyes. She didn’t dare look at Regina cause she knew if she did, she might actually sob. She brushed away her tears. They sat in silence and sadness for a few seconds, trying to collect themselves.  
“Janis I’m so sorry.” Janis sniffed in and turned to look in her eyes that still looked glossy.  
“I forgave you a while ago.” Regina widened her eyes in disbelief and shrugged.  
“Why? I didn’t deserve that?” Janis answered so quickly, as if she’s been giving this question thought for years.  
“Because it’s hard to hate someone you l-” Janis stopped herself before she could even finish that word. She couldn’t rack her brain of any possible thing she could say to save her ass. She was so flustered she just tried to make out an excuse to leave.  
“Um I-I am going to, uh, to go to my room-cause-I-for, I…” She just kept mumbling useless words as she left Regina up against the wall and Janis was going up the staircase.  
“Wait!” Janis stopped midway up the stairs, punching herself for letting anything slip out.  
“Don’t you want to know why I spread the rumor that you were gay?” Janis turned her head and the rest of her body followed till she was facing Regina. She walked down one step and stayed there.  
“Why?” Janis decided to give in.  
“Because I was self conscious.” Janis shook her head like ‘is that supposed to mean something to me?’.  
“Because of my feelings. My feelings for you.” Janis slowly crept down the other steps till she got to the bottom. The words ‘feelings for you’ looped in her head over and over again. Janis let out a short breath that either sounded like the start to a laugh or a sob. She started laughing slowly then picking up pace.  
“Why are you laughing?” Regina looked horrified, a laugh isn’t a great reaction.  
“Because,” Her laughing lightly continued but her words grew more serious.  
“For so long, I hated myself for ever letting me believe that I wasn’t imagining...us being more than just friends.” Regina’s face dropped completely.  
“And I was right.” Janis stopped laughing and was just blankly staring into space.  
“I-uh-I need time to think.” She was still staring at this imaginary spot. Regina’s eyes grew even more sad if that was possible and she nodded and whispered an ‘okay’. Janis started back up the stairs to her room.  
“Janis.” Janis turned towards the blond one last time.  
“I’m sorry.” Regina apologized more today to Janis than she ever has, well maybe not the time she accidentally closed a drawer on Janis’s finger and she cried. Seeing Janis cry because Regina hurt her made Regina cry and then Janis stopped crying and asked why Regina was crying and she said because she felt bad and Janis laughed at her and told her she was forgiven. For all of the changing Regina has done she has never felt quite so similar to her past self as she did right now. Janis looked deep into Regina’s eyes after her apology that seemed to mean more than it sounded.  
“I know.” Janis left it at that as she slowly walked her way to her room leaving Regina crumpling to the floor of the kitchen, still slumped up against the wall. Janis realized she never made herself something to eat but figured she wasn’t very hungry anymore. Janis got to her room and flopped on her bed. She grabbed her phone and opened up her photos, she went into her recently deleted folder which was basically just code for pictures with Regina. She looked through all of them, seeing them so happy. She got to one of her and Regina on the first day on 7th grade. It was the one her mom took when they didn’t know she was taking it. Regina was tucking a strand of hair behind Janis’s ear and the way they were looking at each other was enough to send Janis right back to 7th grade.  
An hour or so later Janis stepped out of her room, it was pitch black now and there were only a few orange lamps around the cabin that were barely lighting up anything. Regina was in the kitchen filling up a cup with water. She turned and looked at Janis with hopeful eyes. God Regina looked so beautiful with the orange glow lighting up one half of her face, bouncing into the golden streams of her hair.  
“Hey.” Regina talked quietly.  
“Hi.” Because if these two are good at anything it’s an introduction. Janis tried to smile a little but it failed and was a bittersweet expression.  
“Did you...think.” Janis nodded with a serious look in her eyes. A look that Regina assumed wasn’t a great sign. She bowed her head.  
“Oh.” Regina didn’t know why she said it, maybe just to fill space. Janis looked at her even with her head bowed and started slowly walking down the first few steps, suddenly she was speed walking to Regina. When Janis started getting close Regina looked up. Janis lightly grabbed her waist and pulled her in for a much overdue kiss. Regina deepened the kiss and put one hand on Janis’s jawline, she let her other arm just dangle there. The girls finally pulled away a bit breathless. Regina cocked her head and gave her a look like ‘where did that come from’. Janis started doing these awkward hand gestures when she talked and walked away from Regina towards a half wall right by the door.  
“Okay so I was thinking, this,” She gestured to Regina and then leaned against the half wall.  
“Is something I have wanted since middle school.” The blond smiled at that.  
“So why let any of the other shit stop us, can’t we just let ourselves be happy?” Regina smiled then bit her lip.  
“Are you sure?” Janis took a step towards her, she let her body stand still.  
“You are not the same person you were, and we can’t change the past, so why don’t we just say ‘fuck it’?” Regina laughed and nodded.  
“Okay, fuck it.” They both started taking slow steps towards each other. Janis and her laughed together as their faces grew only inches apart.  
“Yeah?” Janis asked in an airy sensual way. Regina nodded and uttered a ‘yeah’ before leaning in for round two. This kiss was less ‘I will die if I don’t feel your lips on mine right now’ and more ‘let’s take this slow as the start of many more kisses to come’. Regina looked at the time.  
“It’s getting kinda late.” Janis leaned back and sighed.  
“My beds so cold.” She fake whined which amused Regina.  
“Oh yeah well good cause there is something I have been waiting to do for much too long.” Janis smiled with full teeth and ran upstairs holding Regina’s hand.  
They woke up the next morning sharing Janis’s, no longer cold, bed. They got up bright and early at 9am which is 2 hours later that Regina normally sleeps and 3 hours earlier than Janis normally sleeps. They only wore their lingerie and made bagels. They had a totally normal and domestic morning, and Janis only made out with Regina while she was sitting on top of the counter top once. They also made themselves each a glass of white wine aka the right way to start your day. Janis was trying to scoot past Regina while she was standing in the entrance of the kitchen and Regina ended up spilling wine on her collarbone when Janis bumped into her. When Regina yelped Janis turned around and sucked the wine off of her skin, making Regina giggle, which was Janis’s favorite sound ever. Janis continued to suck at Regina’s tanned skin leaving a trail up her neck making Regina moan lightly. Regina pushed her back.  
“Hey we’re in the middle of the cabin.” Janis looked at the clock that said 11.  
“Technically they’re not back till 2.” Regina barely let her finish.  
“Proceed.” Janis laughed and picked her up so her legs wrapped around Janis’s waist. At 12 the door flung open to reveal the missing members of the cabin weekend. The girls screamed and pushed off each other even though everyone just saw them making out on the couch, luckily still wearing the lingerie. Cady and Gretchen just stood there with their mouths hanging open. "You said you were coming at 2!" Janis practically screeched out of embarrassment. "I said 12." Cady replied with her head down not knowing where to look. Damian was smiling way too hard. He turned to Karen.  
“You owe me 5 bucks.” She scoffed and rustled through her purse for the cash.  
“Wait what?”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos and comment I'll love you forever


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